i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
