well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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