Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
