the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
