I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
