you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
