I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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