I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This is classic penis vs brain.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
