My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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