I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
