She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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