we're blogging at a bar
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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