I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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