then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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