Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
