You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
