y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
