i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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