there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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