oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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