It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
