It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
