My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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