New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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