i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
is that a dick in a sweater?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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