Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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