He disabled his match.com account in front of me
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
