We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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