How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
