I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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