I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
