That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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