I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
