haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
