Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
