lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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