is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
