when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
