hotel room ftw
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
