Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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