I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
