Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
