So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
