just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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