are you still at the devil's house?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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