i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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