winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
