She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
