He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize