Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
