So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
