My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
