So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
