Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
