why do cheetos always look like penises
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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