I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
