I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
