This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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