Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
sex in a hospital.. check
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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