Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
