Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You smell like a Billy Joel song
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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