awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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