The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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