just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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