He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
