to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
whose parrot is this?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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