That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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