I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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