my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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