He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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