remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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