He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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