god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I won the penis lottery.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
