she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
