dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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